Aries — Bam Bam Bam, asleep says nothing

Taurus — The Chocolate was a great idea.

Gemini — Now talk to me.

Cancer — What do you want to eat?

Leo — I just get better and better each time.

Virgo — Go wash your self (dont forget to scrub), I’ll disinfect the bed.

Libra — It was good right? How was it? Did everything go well? I can’t decide.

Scorpio — Next time, chain me to the chair, and have rabbits doing it around the chair, so I can watch.

Sagittarius — I gotta go, dont have time to stick around.

Capricorn — Off to work. I’ll tell you when I’m ready for the next time.

Aquarius — We should do it on skype.

Pisces — I dont remember a thing, so it never happen.

posted 2 years ago @ 24 Nov 2011 with 21 notes
xhumor xhoroscope xzodiac xastrology xsex
Hilariouscope of the day. Lawlz.

Hilariouscope of the day. Lawlz.

posted 3 years ago @ 03 Mar 2011 with 5 notes
xgemini xlaya xfunny xhoroscope xastrology

ARIES

You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don’t give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn’t care less. You’re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you’re bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you’re a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who’d kill them self to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You’re an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative’s limbs to buy a
mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you’re prone to bullshitting and you’re a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don’t bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You’re a prick.

posted 3 years ago @ 19 Feb 2011 with 5 notes
xlawlz xhoroscope xfunny xastrology

epfidemic:

Libra man is understanding to Gemini woman’s wandering ways and is rational and logical enough to help her through her nonsensical ideas. The harmony between Gemini woman and Libra man is uncanny in that they cope with each others problems, read into each others ideas and can sympathize with one…

Jojo Acuin was sick and dying when he wrote this.

reblogged 3 years ago @ 11 Jan 2011 with 3 notes via/source
xRIP xJojo Acuin xhoroscope xlulz